Fight, Flight or Freeze

It was a gorgeous morning as we headed out on our walk. We headed to a heavily treed area, and as often happens, we saw a deer.

The dog had smelled it, long before we saw it. He usually does. And then we spotted it, and it stood perfectly still. We stopped as well, and watched it a moment. It had gone from running, to standing perfectly still. We watched for a few minutes, and then I forced the dog to move. I didn’t want for the deer to be worried about our presence. As soon as we started to move, the deer stomped it’s foot a few times and then ran off.

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Here we go

When your soul suffers a trauma, they say that a piece of your soul stays stuck in that event. Until enough healing has occurred to thaw the event.

To be honest, I didn’t know if I was simply grieving Mom’s death, or if something was happening inside of me. I just felt this confusing mix of heaviness, and then a feeling as though a burden had lifted. I immediately felt guilty about this.

“I am sorry Mom but to be truly honest with you, I feel guilty but it was a bit of a relief when you decided to let go. The journey had been exhausting. For both of us, and I wasn’t able to see clear to it ending. I didn’t want the finality of it, but my heart could not take watching you be in so much pain anymore.”

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Web of Life

Our lives are intricate webs. Sometimes our web becomes entangled in ways we don’t immediately realize.

Our lives are like intricate weaves in a spider web. Every choice you make starts a new leg on the journey. There are twists and turns, and incredible patterns. When I listen to people’s stories I like to imagine what the web they are weaving looks like. In order to share my story, I need to first weave a part of my Mother’s Web. To me she has a beautiful, complicated web to share.

She grew up on the east coast of Canada. A spirited child from a large family. This part of her web is strong and fun with lines everywhere. With her desire for adventure, a small island held no hope of containing her long term.

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