Do we need resolution to our parent’s story?

If there are questions about our parents story, does this impact us?

Do we need to know our parent’s stories? Do their stories need to be resolved in order to provide Forgiveness? Can we just create our own story independent of theirs?

It reminded me of when I was young, and the things that I put myself through because of the fact that I did not know my dad’s story. I only knew the end as far as it pertained to me. I recall making stories up in my mind about what could have happened to him. Looking back, I caused myself such anguish imagining all of the ‘What if’ scenarios.

When you have an active imagination, such as I do you can dream up some pretty convincing stories. But each of them just made me feel worse, and the ending always reached the same conclusion. He didn’t love me enough to stay. I made it about me, but it never is. 

I just knew that after that fateful night, when he was taken away as I described in The Web of Life he did not return. I know that my Mom went to visit him at the hospital where he was taken but that is where the story ends. At least the story that was shared. 

Self Love – A Priority

How about this year, we start with Self Love being a priority?

Just make a decision to put ourselves and our healing first. What if we decided that we would only allow into our lives those that lifted us up, at least for a time. Until we were feeling stronger and able to direct our lives the way that we wanted. Would it be that hard, to simply make the choice to ‘choose ourselves’?

We walk through life not feeling like we have a choice about who we let in.  I know when I was younger, I did not feel that limiting family access to my life was an option. The opinions of others held more weight than was comfortable. I know differently now. It is an option, if not a necessity. 

Continue reading “Self Love – A Priority”

How I became the Fixer

I turned myself into the ‘Fixer’. Nobody assigned me this role, it is mine to own. 

I know now that I am sensitive by nature, naturally empathetic and a gentle soul. This I know clearly by getting to know my Inner Child . She is gentle and loving and very selfless. But I am also a warrior, the ‘keepin on with life’ part of me that has helped me survive all these years, is an absolute warrior. A complicated mix that isn’t always easy to manage. The internal conversations, that I have with myself can often be at odds with one another. 

Continue reading “How I became the Fixer”

Living with an open heart

Living with an open heart can be very hard.  I am still working on it. Especially when there is so much fear and anger circulating in the world today. Everywhere you look fear is growing, and it appears to be gaining momentum and turning to anger in many.

“Fear left unchecked, can spread like a virus” Lish McBride

I know myself that Fear needs to be felt and resolved. Otherwise, it can overwhelm and consume me, replaying itself over and over. It is my biggest trigger and can consume me if left unchecked. I have learned to simply allow it to flood me, and sit with it until it has dissipated. Not allowing it the power it once had over me.

But I promised her that I would honor the gentle soul that she is, and therefore I  have to find the courage to do so.

I often chastised her for being so gentle, feeling so much. It scared me frankly. I felt as though, I would lose control if I allowed it to continue. I think many of us feel this way, particularly if we are sensitive or empathetic.

Continue reading “Living with an open heart”

Attachment Issues: What causes them

What is the root cause of an attachment issue? How do they develop?

Attachment Issues have always puzzled me. 

Because children’s innate attachment behavior is organized around proximity seeking and social engagement, caregivers who are neglectful and abusive pose a double threat: not only does their frightening behavior evoke fear/flight/fight responses but it also intensifies the child’s yearning for proximity. The result is what is described as disorganized or Type D attachment. Also termed to be  “fright without solution”. When parents are frightened or frightening, the child’s instinctive source of comfort and safety becomes the source of danger. Rather than attachment figures providing protection an interactive and/or abusive parent stimulate proximity seeking drives and activate the child’s survival defenses of fight and flight, or they evoke rapid activation of the parasympathetic dorsal vagal system to initiate freezing, shutting down, or playing dead.

When the source of danger is the attachment figure, the mind and body must find a way to maintain an attachment bond while simultaneously mobilizing animal defense survival responses to protect the child. Their  two powerful innate drives to attach and defend remain highly activated.

Basically their mind and body were working to protect them, and keeping them from being able to create healthy Boundaries. They remained in toxic relationships because their mind and body were stuck in this mode of operation. 

Looking within to find yourself

If I have learned anything, it is that looking within yourself and understanding the journey you have travelled is key to your healing. After the experience of Looking within , I found the fragmented parts that I had left behind. 

Quieting the mind and listening to the little girl within was key to my personal healing journey. I learned that she was the gentlest of souls, and was only seeking safety and love. She was afraid of being hurt, and my carrying on with life behaviors (benevolent dictator) was working to keep her safe. I realized that I was playing the role that we both needed to carry on after the trauma. 

Continue reading “Looking within to find yourself”

Spiritual Bypass

I laugh now at some of the Self Help stuff that I have read over the years. But in actual fact, I don’t really think that it is funny.

I think that some of it is very dangerous, in fact. I too was a seeker on my journey and read endless books about trying to understand the subconcious mind. The overall theme was that there was something wrong with the way you were perceiving your situation.

Continue reading “Spiritual Bypass”

Healing my heart: In one piece

For the first time in my life I feel that I am ‘In one piece’. Like humpty, dumpty put back together again.

And I am amazed that with my focus on healing, that I have been fortunate to have it all come together intuitively for me. The key was for me to get out of my head, and start to listen to what my body was telling me. Continue reading “Healing my heart: In one piece”

Fragmented Selves

I am amazed that somehow I intuitively knew that I had some fragmented parts. I knew that there was a Benevolent Dictator who was holding it all together. I also knew that there were hurt parts that I was working so hard to deny. Until I no longer could.

It is interesting to me now, that it should have been glaringly clear but I missed it. I have worked my way to wholeness, developed my own methodology for doing so and maintaining it. I am a lucky one, but surely everyone was not doing this on their own.

Surely the Mental Health professionals were aware of and fixing Fragmented Selves. So I began my research, which turned up surprising results.

Continue reading “Fragmented Selves”

We are Enough

So many of us when we encounter challenges, automatically go to our ‘I am not enough’ belief system. ‘I am not enough’, ‘My work is not enough’, ‘People don’t love me enough’. 

And our day spirals with the ‘not enough’ that we are feeding ourselves. It’s hard to catch ourselves when we are in this mode of action. But absolutely essential that we remember where it is coming from.

Continue reading “We are Enough”