The thing about this is that I am an incredibly private person. This bearing the details of my life is so very foreign and uncomfortable for me. I know for certain that I am not the only one that suffered a trauma or was abandoned by a parent as a child. I also know that we carry shame about these occurrences and that is what drives me to want to talk about it. So I have decided that I need to be brave enough to share my story so that others who have had similar experiences can potentially learn from my journey. If the sharing of what I have learned saves even one person from carrying shame that does not belong to them, then it will have been worth it for me.
The reality is that we have an absolute need to be loved by our parents. We need to feel seen, loved and understood by them. If that doesn’t occur, our emotional growth can be impacted. We can spend our lives seeking that love and understanding from people who do not have the capacity to offer it. Understanding this and changing the expectations that we have in certain relationships can offer us an opportunity to change the dynamics and be kinder and gentler to ourselves.
I was fortunate to have a loving mother. Being abandoned by my father left it’s marks and I can share what I have learned about that later. But the trauma of the night I described in the Web of Life, is where I would like to start with my story.
I mistakenly thought trauma was something reserved for people that suffered huge events. War, Accidents and the like. I also had the misconception that it was something that you could not recover from. Also not true.
I have learned that trauma can happen very easily in children & I want to share what I have learned. I also know that children that have felt abandoned by a parent in any way can internalize a lot of misguided beliefs that should be acknowledged, understood and released in order to live healthier, happier lives.
It is my wish that we stop hiding our trauma and actively work to help ourselves. That we evaluate the limiting beliefs that we may have created through childhood. It doesn’t serve us to hold onto beliefs that we had no hand in making.
I am a researcher at heart, so I have spent years reading all nature of things. How the brain works, psychology, self help. You name it I probably read it. But I was focused on intellectually figuring it all out. Until I started to understand as I will describe through my story that it wasn’t all stored in the head. I was missing the link to the body and in particular the heart. Even though as you will see through my hopefully somewhat humorous stories that if I had been paying better attention I would have got the message through the many knocks on the head through life events.
When I happened upon the following statement in The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself it was like I had found the missing link.
Each time since early childhood when we stopped the flow of energy in a painful event, we froze that event in both energy and time. This is what we call an energy blockage. The part of our psyche associated with that event also froze in the moment we stopped the pain. That part of our psyche remains frozen until we thaw it out, or remove the blockage. It does not mature as we do. It will not mature until it is healed, and enough healing has occurred to thaw it and initiate the maturation process.
I read and re-read the statement. It was a definite AHA moment for me. This is what I had been searching for all this time. And I felt excited about it. Could this be the answer to my mystery?
I hope to share with you some funny stories that reflect my awakening to understanding what made me tick. Hopefully it will offer some food for thought, for those of you that are seeking some answers to your own mysteries.
Thanks for joining me on this journey!
Love and Light