“The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason” – Benjamin Franklin
The Doctor entering the room, jarred me back to reality.
“Well it’s definitely a malignant tumor”, the doctor explained to Mom. “But what I need to know is if you would like me to do anything about it? “
Mom was silent. Why is she not talking?
“No, that’s okay I just want to go home.” I hear her saying.
I see the stunned look on the nurse’s face as she unhooks the blood transfusion needle, and they start helping her change out of her hospital gown. “Well okay then”, says the nurse.
“Jacquie, where are my clothes?”
“Would you just get me one of those pads you girls use during that time of the month? That should work fine, they have sticky parts, don’t they? I can just stick it to the inside of my bra. “
I see her smiling as they help her off the bed onto her unsteady feet. Grabbing for a wheelchair to sit her in, I notice that the side of her shirt is already filled with blood. “Looks like the plan for the feminine napkin isn’t working out so well,” I think to myself. They hand her off to me, saying “have a good day” and pushing the wheelchair towards me.
Panic is rising in me.
I shake my head and see the Doctor towering over her, she is lying on the hospital bed. “Oh, thank god” I think to myself.
“Of course,”, I almost scream to the Doctor breaking the silence, trying to subdue my panic. My heart is racing, and my eyes are boring holes into the doctor. I can’t even look at mom, I want to strangle her for not answering and maybe for the dramatic scene my imagination took me on, which at this point oddly doesn’t seem so far fetched.
The Doctor turned to me, and looked me directly in the eyes, “I know that you would like me to do something about it, but what I am wondering is if your Mother would? “
I finally turn to look at her, a look of scared resignation on her face. Those brown eyes I know so well, move to gaze directly into mine. She did not even look at the Doctor, but in the smallest of voices I heard.
“Fine then I will put in a request for the first available operating room, the surgery should happen sometime today”. He turned and left the room without another word. If I didn’t know better, I would say this man is ticked off, I thought.
We were in the lounge of the hospital, I had slept in here with her overnight, as there were no rooms. Mom lay still for about ten minutes after this encounter with the Doctor, I simply tried to recover my heart rate. Then she burst into tears.
“Take me home to die, dear. “
“Mom as I recall you were doing that, and it wasn’t working very well for you.”
She looked directly into my eyes once again and said, “I had put it in the hands of my god dear.”
“Seems he wasn’t up to surgery then”, I felt the tears building behind my eyelids.
A nurse came in and started another blood transfusion, needing to stabilize her, before the operation.
She fell asleep again, and I waited for them to come take her in for the operation. She looked frightened when they arrived, but of course would not say so. I kissed her forehead, and squeezed her hand, “I love you very much mom, and will see you in recovery”. I watched as they wheeled her off to the operating room.
Love and Light