Anger a Heart Opener?

Sometimes Adulting can be hard! I have struggled with this concept for some time, and think that I am getting closer to understanding why it is important to meet Anger with an Open Heart. But believe me, it is not easy. 

The world around us feels very Angry right now. And it is filled with FEAR. I realize however that a lot of this Anger and FEAR is manufactured for the purposes of individuals trying to garner a following, and push their own agendas. I also know that the Medicine for FEAR is love, and this neutralizes it’s affects. So I have been trying to keep my heart open, even when I feel the anger or FEAR building. 

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Maslow’s Hierarchy – Healing

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is a motivational theory in psychology comprising a five-tier model of human needs, often depicted as hierarchical levels within  a pyramid. Needs lower down in the hierarchy must be satisfied before individuals can attend to needs higher up.

Today is National Mental Health day! A very important day indeed. I believe that Maslow’s theory has a direct relationship to positive Mental Health.

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Letting Go

As fall approaches and I watch the trees turn color, I am in awe at just how easy it is for them to transition from one season to the next. It seems effortless; they simply seem to know intuitively how to move from one way of being to the next. And it occurs to me, that we humans could learn valuable lessons from this.

I walked through the park, and was in awe of the trees. The season of change, and nature just adapting as it always seems to do so effortlessly. There is no planning, debate or discussion around what it is to do next. The season simply responds to the world around it, and adapts.

It made me think about my own journey of healing, and how I spent so much time trying to think my way through to resolution. Little did I know that healing does not happen in the head but in the heart.

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Breathe for Peace

Who knew, apparently there is something to the term “Take a Deep breath”. 

I learned early on to suppress feelings that were too much for me to manage. We all do it through our Breath. I became a shallow breather, so that my emotions would not be felt. A lot of us quit breathing fully because we didn’t want to feel our feelings. We held our breath to hide from a lot of things we were taught not to do – like get angry, cry in public, or through traumatic or anxious situations. The only problem is that while holding our breath and breathing shallowly can effectively shut down our feelings, it can’t get rid of them. They just get locked somewhere in the muscles of our bodies.

I had never really paid attention to this, until a friend who was doing a massage on me asked “Do you even breathe?”.  I had no idea what she meant until she said, your breathing is so shallow. Try to inhale a deep breathe, hold it and then release all of it. 

Shallow breathing often accompanies fear, however subtly that fear might be felt. Deep, full breathing often accompanies confidence. When a full breather takes shallow breaths over a prolonged period, they begin to feel a hint of panic that a lack of oxygen can induce. The shallow breather can feel that all the time, without being aware of it. 

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Gone too soon

It was a little brisk this morning, and you could feel that summer was starting to slip away. Shifting gears with the change of colors. We walked along, my little friend and I. She seemed quieter today, a little reflective. 

“Is everything okay”, I asked. ‘Yes, just thinking”, she answered. If I wasn’t mistaken, I would have thought she was mad. 

“Mind if I ask what about?” There was a pause as we walked along, and then she said his name. I was a little stunned. I hadn’t thought about him in a very, very long time. 

“What were thinking about him?” 

“That you should have listened to me, I told you he would leave”. “I told you not to let him get close that it would hurt too much”. 

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Girl without a Father

She will shy away from discussing problems. You don’t understand how someone so feisty, so full of opinions and seeming confidence, can go mute when confrontation approaches.

Dating a girl without a father will be one of the most confusing and exciting things you may do. You will do things all new couples do, joke, share silly stories and learn as much about each other as possible. There will feel as though there is an intensity to it that you won’t understand. She will be wanting to find out as much as she can about you. In a way you will feel as though she has a checklist and your answers are being evaluated. It will be conflicted with a lightness, that makes everything fun and exciting.  

You notice that she actively tries to make it fun. She needs it to be fun. Exciting. Fun and Light. She knows heaviness all too well. 

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Kids and Trauma

Trauma is a fact of life. This is the bad news. The good news is that so is resilience. We all have the capacity to rebound from stress and feelings of fear, helplessness and overwhelm.

I was surprised to learn in Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter Levine, PHD that children are especially prone to be overwhelmed by situations that they may not have the capacity to emotionally manage. And if left unresolved, they can carry these issues into adulthood. 

“Trauma creates change you don’t choose, healing creates change you do choose. Michelle Rosenthall”

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It’s in your body

Looking for healing in your head, is like looking for a needle in a haystack. If you are like me you read, read and then read some more. Looking for the answers to why you react or behave in certain ways. When something triggers a fear, or a negative reaction of some sort we try to think our way out of it with limited success. Or talk our way out of it. This may work for some, but I am not one who shares my problems with others. That doesn’t work for everyone. For better or worse, I try to sort things out myself.  

For me understanding that there was such a strong relationship between our minds and bodies seemed to be the key to explore further. I always find it funny how when I am intellectualizing something, I seem to happen upon just what I need. Which is what happened with finding Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine, PHD. Continue reading “It’s in your body”

Boundaries

Oh the things we don’t know.  For me Healthy Boundaries was one of them. 

When you grow up in a single parent family, you will likely know nothing about healthy boundaries. Chances are you will not know that it is even a possibility to have boundaries in place in relationships. You know only that you each depend on one another. It is all for one, and one for all. At least that is my experience. 

The same appears to be the case with families headed by Controlling Parents or Narcissists. Healthy Boundaries do not appear to be something that are even considered. There is only one option to do as they wish in order to keep the peace. But is that being true to ourselves? What about our choices?

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Suitcase

I’m tired. I am desperately tired of watching people that carry wounds from their childhood into adulthood. They cover themselves in shame like a cloak. A raggedy patchwork cloak that they had no hand in making. And yet they let it cover them completely. Worse they let it define them and their future. I am no different, I wore the cloak of shame for too many years. Before I realized that it was not mine to wear.

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